ButlerBloggers Headlines

Sutton Gasoline Company ~

Butler, PA Blog - Thu, 03/19/2015 - 11:42am
On  Kittanning Street 1960s
Photo: ?

Dear Men on Dating Sites, Don't Say Hi

Everyday Baby Steps - 4 hours 30 min ago

I've had this post in my mind for some time now. In fact, it started out as an overall "what not to do" piece based on my experience with online dating. However, it's come down to this one very specific piece of advice because this is probably my biggest pet peeve. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it doesn't really bother other women. Though my friends tell me it's annoying to them, as well. So it's a thing for at least a few of us. I call it the Hi Phenomenon because I see it so often on the dating sites. 

It may seem that I'm being picky or outrageous in expecting a man not to say hello when he reaches out to a woman. That's not what we're talking about here. I'm referring to the messages that say simply, "Hi." That's it. Just, "Hi." Even the ones that say, "Hi. How are you?" confound me. What am I supposed to do with that? There are so many reasons why the Hi Phenomenon is such a turnoff for me. 

It Tells Me Nothing

First and foremost, saying hello tells me nothing about you. Yes, of course I will look at your profile, but only if something compels me to believe I may be interested in getting to know you. A simple, "Hi" is not compelling. At all. However, a nice note telling me something about you and why you chose to get in touch with me would be great. That's all I'm asking for, and I don't think it's that much of an ask. 

I Don't Have Time for This

Seriously. No one has time for the Hi Phenomenon. If you write, "Hi,' what am I supposed to write back? Please don't think we're going to go back and forth with one word exchanges. That is not going to happen. Ever. We're all busy people. If you have time for this type of single word, shallow interaction, I probably don't have time for you. As a single mom, my dating time is limited. I want to know that the person I'm choosing to spend that time with has more to say than just, "Hi."

It's Lazy

Frankly, it really is just lazy for you to send me this one word. I realize that the men on dating sites send out more messages on average than the women do and that their odds of hearing back are not often that high. So I get that you may not want to compose a lengthy note when it's likely you may never hear back from a woman. I get it. I do. Think about it from our perspective. Don't you think you'd increase your chances of a reply if you give a little bit of yourself in that first message?

It's Shallow

Which brings me to my next point. If all you have to say is, "Hi," I'm going to think there's not a lot going on in that pretty little head of yours. I want depth of character, someone who has a lot to say, a man with personality. "Hi" conveys none of that. It makes me think you have nothing to offer. You know what else? It makes me think you're going to expect me to do all the work. You get off saying just one word, and I'm expected to send a reply and actually carry the conversation. No thank you. I want to invest my time in someone who shows me right off the bat that he'll take some time to get to know me, not expect me to put forth all the effort. 

So there you have it. Some reasons why it's not a good idea to contact a woman on a dating site with the tired, boring, lazy "Hi" message. I hope this has been helpful. It certainly was therapeutic for me. In fact, I think I'll pass it along to the five Hi Guys I got messages from today alone. Imagine how many I've gotten in the past year, and perhaps, you'll have an even better understanding of why I hate the Hi Phenomenon. Don't say, "Hi."

Categories: Personal

Gabriel Belmont Vs Link

Factpile - 14 hours 27 min ago

FactPile: Gabriel Belmont Vs Link

Suggested by Amm0vamp1r3 So Gabriel Belmont (Castlevania) runs a Link gauntlet (Legend of Zelda). He starts at Skyward sword and works his way through the timeline. Which versions of Link can he beat and which beat him? This is Dracula/Gabriel... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Thoughts 4 Thursday: Why???

Bryan Hill's Blog - Thu, 10/23/2014 - 7:51am
This picture started out as a Wordless Wednesday post, but with the busy Wednesday I had yesterday, it simply did not make it. This morning I decided what I would do with it. Your thoughts on this Thursday about this photo. Why were Bethany and I sporting our wonderful hoods, tied up and everything for this shot??? Go down to the bottom of this post, and click on the "comment here" button or "x comments" (x being the number of comments already left)  and answer this question. If you don't see a comment option, click here or click on the post title and look for "Start the Discussion" or "Join the Discussion".  I not opposed to answering questions for hints.

If you answer it correctly, you will get  a great big shout out here on this blog and a signed photo of the discussed shot (Bethany is a rock star so that might be worth some big bucks someday, but probably not with my mug shot and autograph included...) Good luck!

Your Nemesis Vs Lurtz

Factpile - Thu, 10/23/2014 - 6:45am

FactPile: Your Nemesis Vs Lurtz

Suggested by Rookie Your Nemesis from Shadow of Mordor faces off against Lurtz (Lord of the Rings) Simple battle. Your Nemesis from the game Shadow of Mordor against great Lurtz. Can your Nemesis win? (If you do not yet played... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Majestic Theater ~

Butler, PA Blog - Wed, 10/22/2014 - 7:30am
Not very majestic now.Photo: Barbara Bloom

Queen of Blades Vs Goku

Factpile - Wed, 10/22/2014 - 6:30am

FactPile: Queen of Blades Vs Goku

Suggested by Cyrus Mahir For this fight we have the Queen of Blades (StarCraft) going up against Goku (Dragon Ball Z) Goku after the Freiza saga. Fight starts in Moscow. Who wins? Related Posts: Battle for Master Chief’s Head Naruto... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Slippery Rock Creek ~

Butler, PA Blog - Wed, 10/22/2014 - 4:53am
It was dangerous but we loved to play around on the rocks.

What If…Batman Got the Omnitrix from Ben 10?

Factpile - Tue, 10/21/2014 - 6:28am

FactPile: What If…Batman Got the Omnitrix from Ben 10?

Suggested by JMT Batman (DC Comics) acquires the Omnitrix from Ben 10. He has 6 months to learn it’s abilities with no distractions. How would this impact the DC world? Related Posts: Battle for Skyrim Team Anime Vs Team Video... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Random: Goosebumps

Bryan Hill's Blog - Mon, 10/20/2014 - 6:55pm
I have been listening to this song and watching this video in preparations for this Saturday's Set for Church. Wow!! Give it a listen. It absolutely gives me goosebumps and has brought me to tears almost every time I listen to the spoken word towards the end. What an awesome song/video.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Monday!!

Here is the link to the video on youtube http://youtu.be/huFra1mnIVE  for those who can't see it.

I'm on the Polymath Podcast!

Brain overflow ... here ya go! - Mon, 10/20/2014 - 2:43pm
I'm a little late posting this on my blog...but you know, my son got married. I was a little busy.

A few weeks ago I was featured on the Polymath Podcast! So if ever were curious about how dorky I am in real life, you should definitely check it out... Episode 6!  This podcast is run by my very on son and a few of his friends. They are hilarious, smart and keen on the polymath lifestyle.

If you like the podcast, be sure to let them know! Comment, subscribe and rate.
They would really appreciate it!

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Guardians Vs Warframes

Factpile - Mon, 10/20/2014 - 6:34am

FactPile: Guardians Vs Warframes

Suggested by Rookie Guardians (Destiny) face off against Warframes (Warframe) Just a series of one-on-one battles. Loki vs Hunter. Hydroid vs Warlock. Rhino vs Striker. Oberon vs Defender. Saryn vs Sunsinger. Excalibur vs Bladedancer. Nova vs Voidwalker. Battlefield: Empty Coruscant.... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Stella and Eric’s Wedding

Pifemaster Productions Disc Jockey - Sun, 10/19/2014 - 10:36pm
On Saturday October 18, 2014 we were at The Terrace Room which is located inside of the Days Inn in Butler Pennsylvania. The event was a wedding reception for Stella and Eric. Stella and Eric were married at 3:30 pm at St. Michael’s Church in Butler PA. Guests began arriving at The Terrace Room at […]

Senator Armstrong Vs Greed

Factpile - Sun, 10/19/2014 - 6:24am

FactPile: Senator Armstrong Vs Greed

Suggested by Aelfinn Here we have Senator Armstrong from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance facing off against Greed from Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. They meet at the Palace of Versailles. Who wins? Related Posts: Team Anime Vs Team Video Game Battle... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

BHS ~ Friday Night Football ~ 2014

Butler, PA Blog - Sun, 10/19/2014 - 4:30am

                    08/29   BHS 10 [L] – Altoona - 28                    09/05   BHS 31 [W] – Baldwin - 21                       09/12   BHS 07 [L] -  North Hills - 35                    09/20   BHS 42 [W] -  Shaler - 7                    09/26   BHS 22 [L] -  Seneca Valley - 29                    10/03   BHS 00 [L] -  North Allegheny - 21                    10/10   BHS 10 [L] -  Pine Richland - 48                    10/17   BHS 00 [L] -  Fox Chapel  - 21                     10/24   BHS 00 [] -  Central Catholic 

Saturday Anime – Little Nemo Adventures In Slumberland

Factpile - Sat, 10/18/2014 - 6:47am

FactPile: Saturday Anime – Little Nemo Adventures In Slumberland

Little Nemo Adventures In Slumberland A lighter affair that is a children’s classic for some. Little Nemo is the kind of movie you can pull a younger sibling up beside you to watch, and you should, because this stuff is... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment

Tech Tips: @WTAE Weather App

Bryan Hill's Blog - Fri, 10/17/2014 - 7:00pm
If you are in the Pittsburgh or other Western Pennsylvania region and you are looking for a good weather app, the WTAE Weather App is worth checking out. Here are some screen shots:

It offers a very detailed current, past and future radar. as well as a detailed forecast in both a daily and an hourly format. It has a special weather statement and alert section and also has a cool feature where you can read the headlines. It originally came out in the Ios App Store for Apple devices, but recently it was released in the Google Play Store for Android as well. Go check out this free app. Here are the links:
Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hearst.android.wtae&hl=en
Ios: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/wtae-pittsburghs-action-news/id506053781?mt=8
What is your favorite weather app?

That Time I Unknowingly Dated a Married Man for Seven Months and the Lessons Learned

Everyday Baby Steps - Fri, 10/17/2014 - 2:31pm

If you're my Facebook friend, you likely watched the saga unfold about a month ago when I found out that a man I'd been dating for seven months was married. I took to my wall with vague reference to the subject as an outlet, a way to vent. I didn't originally intend to disclose details of the matter. I was embarrassed that I could be so naive and blind. And for such a long time. I soon realized, however, that I wasn't the one who should feel shame. I gave of myself freely to this man. I was upfront about who I was, and I was supportive of who he was. It was he who was deceitful, manipulative, unethical and emotionally unavailable.

So, as with much of my life, I opened up on social media a bit about the situation. I told my friends and followers that I had been duped by this man. I let them know the basics of how I had come to learn of the deception. I commisserated with others who had been in similar situations. That's the reason I share so much on my Facebook page and on this blog. Because I know that, as humans, we encounter similar circumstances and that talking about them can help us all to heal and to move forward in a healthier way. Thus, I figure a month has passed, so maybe now is the time to expand on the story and to try to make sense of the lessons that can be learned from it. 

The Back Story

I'll try to give a quick synopsis for those who haven't followed along. I started talking to him on a dating site this past winter. I read in his profile that he was a research scientist and briefly thought about the first man I had dated after my divorce who was also a research scientist. Then I contacted him. We had a high match, according to the site, and he was cute. He responded, and after some time we decided to begin talking off site using another online platform. That's when I learned his full name. Being a writer who relies on research, I headed to Google to see what I could learn. As he had indicated in his profile, this man was also a skilled musician. I came across some of his performance videos and was impressed. Then I saw his work bio and stopped dead in my tracks. Yep, sure enough he worked under the same institution and department as the first scientist. Hmmm... How should I handle this one? I hadn't been in touch with that first guy in months, and I thought about not mentioning it. But then I decided to let this scientist know about the first scientist so that there would be no secrets down the line. What if we hit it off and he should find out months later that I kept this information from him? Better to be upfront from the beginning. So I told him I had dated his colleague. He said he did know the guy but that they rarely saw each other. He wasn't concerned with details of my past, and we moved on. 

We had our first date. I talked the whole time. He seemed shy and a bit awkward, kind of like you might expect of an overachieving scientist. I wasn't sure there'd be a second date, but there was something about him. He seemed so genuine. We went out again, and this quiet, reserved scientist began to grow on me. He was sweet and affectionate. And so cute. I began referring to him on Facebook as "Cute Scientist." I'd mention him in a post while I waited for him to arrive to our dates. My friends became interested in how things were progressing. I was interested in that, myself. He seemed a bit distant and reserved. I attributed that to his personality and left it at that, though there were times I felt a bit like he wasn't letting me in. I became used to this compartmentalization and convinced myself that it was okay. Our relationship was what it was, and it was actually comfortable. There was no reason to rush anything, I told myself. Why not just enjoy things as they are? After all, you can't push a person to change for you, right? 

Follow Your Instincts

The first lesson I learned in all of this is to follow my instincts. Yes, we all know this one, but it sure is hard to do. However, I did follow my gut in one respect. I was tempted to date only this guy and to stop seeing other people. Dating can be exhausting, and I was tired of allowing myself to be vulnerable, quite honestly. I felt that this man, despite his affectionate side, was not giving himself fully to me. So I knew it didn't make sense to commit to someone who was so emotionally distant. While I may have slowed down on seeing others, I didn't completely close myself off to meeting someone new. Looking back on it, that's one of the things I'm most glad about. Had I devoted myself exclusively to this man, only to have been completely duped into thinking there was a chance at something real, I would have been more disappointed than I ultimately was. Always follow your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not. 

I did follow my instincts when I started to feel that something wasn't adding up. I dug in and did a little more investigating. More than just a simple Google search. I looked at the people finder sites and took note of the names associated with this man as possible relatives. That's what led me to realize he had more children than he had told me about. There was another name associated with his profile. I thought it was a male name until I began to search for it and came up with a woman's Facebook page. Scrolling through, I saw that this woman had recently had a stroke. He told me once that he had to cancel a date because a friend had had a stroke. Okay, then. I continued to scroll. Then I came to the update I didn't want to see. The one in which she announced her new married name. It really does feel like you've been kicked in the stomach when you see something like that. It's even worse when you see photos of the man you've been intimate with on his wife's Facebook page. It hurt, and it was a disappointment. But I'm so glad I followed my instincts. Always follow your instincts. 

People Are Not Always As They Seem

Deep down, I knew this. I've had so many experiences in which I've come to find out that I wasn't compatible with someone, either a romantic interest or even a friend. There have been times when others have disappointed me or outright been completely different than what they appeared to be. However, this one is the biggest eye-opener I've experienced. I truly believed this man was completely genuine and forthright. That's part of the reason I continued dating him, despite not being able to see him often or to really be a part of his life. When I wrote that blog post about what I want in a man, that whole section on "genuine spirit" was inspired by him. I was so wrong. So very wrong. This man I thought was so sweet and not a game-player like other men had been more deceptive than anyone I've encountered.

Never Allow Yourself to be Second

While I didn't know the entire seven months that this guy was married, I did know that he wasn't giving me adequate attention and was compartmentalizing me into slots of time that fit his schedule. I knew that his time with me was very separate from the rest of his life. I made excuses and allowed myself to settle for what I had convinced myself was our "comfortable routine." I told myself it was his personality to compartmentalize things, that he was a very private person. It's interesting the things we will convince ourselves of in order to avoid discomfort. Having had the last month to look back on the situation and to assess some of my other interactions with men, I've realized that I have allowed this to happen before, that I've accepted whatever time, affection or attention I could get from men on more than one occasion. In fact, it's been a pattern. It's rather depressing to acknowledge this and to admit the truth. It's also freeing, though. It's like now I can re-focus my energy and be aware of my past patterns, moving forward with intention to avoid making those same mistakes. I hope that I can.

So there's my story. It's not pretty. It kind of sucks. I just hope that it will help someone to look for signs they may have missed in a relationship or to go easy on themselves if they've experienced something similar. I'd love to hear your feedback. Has anything like this ever happened to you? What did you learn? 

Categories: Personal

Celebrating Victories

BC3 President's Blog - Fri, 10/17/2014 - 2:29pm
Although the Pirates are history and the Steelers are off to a mediocre 3-3 start (keep the faith!), the College is chalking up some nice victories. FACETS, the College’s art and literary magazine, was recently awarded First Place with Special Merit by the American Scholastic Press Association. BC3 student Travis Ritenour received Outstanding Photograph for […]

What If…You bought the rights of Star Wars from Disney?

Factpile - Fri, 10/17/2014 - 6:16am

FactPile: What If…You bought the rights of Star Wars from Disney?

Suggested by Nico What would be the first thing you announce? What would you determine to be cannon? Any changes to the storyline you would instantly make? What else would you do? Related Posts: How J.J. Abrams Will Ruin Star... Read More »

Categories: Entertainment
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